Thursday, September 6, 2007


Don left yesterday for a business meeting in California. Plans were for Alex to go with him. He was looking forward to it so much...Don was too. But when he got up yesterday morning, he was just too sick to travel. He showered and dressed and was all packed, but his body just would not let him go. He and Don were so disappointed.
Don had to go ahead and leave to catch his plane. What a bummer. Alex feels guilty for not being able to spend this time with Don. We had prayed that God would give him a few days of relief and a little fun...but it was not to be.

It is at times like this that I get angry. It seems so little to ask that this young man have a few days of fun. So little to ask that he get to do something that others take for granted. So little to ask for 'normal.' So, I'm angry. Not at God...just at life, and situations, and illness. These are the times it gets hard to keep a smile on my face, these are the times I want to hit something and cry out that "IT'S NOT FAIR!" And it's not. But, what it is , is LIFE. And it's the life we have been given. And I do not always like it. It's at times like these that I feel as if I am going to fail as a at keeping Alex's spirits up, and fail at showing God's strength and at finding a silver at giving him hope.

"Because of God's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations3:22,23

Please pray for us. I know I sound really down, but I am not. Please know that I do not blame God for this. Sure I wonder why, but God is all loving and compassionate and He wants only the best for us. He continues to give us strength and sanity(*?*), I know He will never fail.


Dianne said...

Oh my word Tonja...if anyone is NOT failing at motherhood, it is get the SURPREME award for being and doing all that your children have needed for you to be and do! I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, but you can't take that on yourself. You're awesome and I know your family realizes that...if all of us in 'blogland' realize it, I know your family does as well!

Musicaljean said...

Oh, Tonja, what can I say? I just feel like sobbing. My heart aches for all of you. I have no answers or advice, just tons of love and a sincere promise to storm the heavens on your behalf. You are so incredibly special and I care so very much.

Lynne said...

I'm so sorry that Alex wasn't feeling well enough to go on the trip with his dad. I know they must both be so disappointed.

I can understand your anger. You're right, life isn't fair. But you take what you're given and do the best with it that you can. You're doing a great job for your family. Don't ever doubt that. Hugs to you.

Profbaugh said...

Oh my goodness, we're definitely on the same type of journey today. Thanks for the scripture. It's so comforting. Know that I'm praying for you, Alex and your family.

Love in Christ,

Ang baylis said...

Tonja... I am SO sorry!

Angie xoxo

justabeachkat said...


I've been away all day, but I've had you on my mind and now I know why.

Don't feel bad about how you're feeling. You're only human and our Heavenly Father knows your heart.

I can't even imagine how hard, how scary and how frustrating this is for you and your entire family.

I know this was disappointing for Alex and Don. And for you, because you wanted it so much for Alex.

I hope he's better very soon and will be able to do the next trip.

I'll be praying for you sweet friend.

Extra hugs and love,

Kari said...

I'm so sorry this trip didn't work out as planned. You sound so frustrated - wish I could help.

I wanted to stop by and thank you for your kind comment during my menopausal meltdown, as I like to call it. I'm mighty embarrassed that Kat bragged about my blog and you came over to see it and I was being such a weenie! This is how my luck runs, that's for sure.

I've been reading thru your blog for a few minutes now...I've got a few things to comment on so I guess I'll get to it (I'll go to the appropriate posts so I don't end up writing 16 inches of stuff in THIS comment section!) lol Thanks again for your kind words!

Mary said...

Tonja, my thoughts are with Alex knowing how upset he was at not being able to be with his Dad as planned. I know you, being a FABULOUS mom and woman, will make sure he is well again and get him over this emotional hump with feelings of guilt. I hope so much that he can take another trip later.
Meanwhile, you take good care of yourself too. Thanks for visiting and, as always, leaving your sweet comments.