Wednesday, May 28, 2008

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TO GO AROUND

As I told you in the previous post, we spent Memorial Day on a Honda Goldwing. That was because my Mom and Pop agreed to care for Alex. He has been in such pain lately, that I will not leave him for any length of time...unless I have someone specifically agree to look after him. We had a pretty rough night last night. Alex had to take extra meds, which is always a concern to me. Today was Don's follow-up appointment in Birmingham with his Neurosurgeon. I was planning to go with him. I have not been able to see his doctor or talk to him since we found this intruder in his brain...and that is something I really wanted to do. But, when we got up this morning, I just could not feel comfortable leaving. There are times when my gut just says "don't leave." And, through the years, I have learned to trust that feeling. This change of plans, of course, disappointed Don. He had to make the trip by himself. He understood and said I was right to stay, but I just feel so torn in situations like this.

One of the hardest things throughout our years raising our boys with their difficulties, is feeling like there was never enough of me to go around. One brother got most of the attention and the other brothers sorta of fended for themselves.(I don't mean Don didn't help...he did, but I am talking about the 'mothering' things). At least they all had their turn at being the one to have my attention. And, now, I feel the same way about Don. I am not able to spend the time with him that I would like, because Alex needs someone near. I feel as if I am always asking the qestion,"Who needs me the most?"

There is no neat and tidy answer to this dilemma...it just is what it is. I am not whining...just stating facts. Because all the moments I spend with Alex are so sweet. He is so appreciative and so concerned for my well being. It has been several months now since he has had any break in his pain. It just gets overwhelming at times...and someone needs to be near. I pray for him to just get a good night's sleep.

Don just called with his report from the doctor. All looks the same. The mass has not changed in 6 months...so we Praise God for that! He goes back in a year unless he begins to have some problem.

He also found some teak outside furniture on sale at Restoration Hardware, and he loves to buy things on sale! So we discussed and bought a lanai full of furniture...he in the store connected to me at home by cell phone. Whatever works, huh? Sometimes you just have to be creative to make things happen. Most times there IS a way...if you try hard enough!

So, we have lovely furniture for the lanai and poolside....but nothing for inside the house. That is something else I have learned....do what you can WHEN you can...that may be the only opportunity you have. Matters not if it is out of order...that;s what keeps life interesting!

11 comments:

justabeachkat said...

Oh Tonja, I'm so so sorry Alex is still having such a hard time. I'm praying for him, I truly am. And you too. Actually I pray for your entire family.

I'm thankful to read about Don's good report. That is wonderful!

Hugs sweet friend!
Kat

Lynne said...

I know just what you mean by not being enough of you to go around. But you have to be there for the one who needs you the most at that time.

I'm so sorry that Alex is having such pain. But there's good news about Don. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Robin said...

I will pray for each of you today by name and claim that God will use you in a great way today. Robin

Jennifer said...

I am glad you updated us on Alex. I have been wondering how he is doing. My prayer is that he would find some relief. Be sure you are clinging to the ROCK during this so that you don't spread yourself to thin.
Lovely furniture, it looks very welcoming.
Smiles!

Leah Belle said...

you are in my prayers this morning.

Kristen said...

Praying for Alex and your family!

LivingTheLife said...

Tonja,
I am so sorry Alex has been in such pain. I will certainly keep praying for healing and relief from this...I do so know what you are expressing about feeling pulled in many directions. As mom's we probably all have the tendancy to want to be THERE all the time for EVERYONE...but when you face health issues and struggles with any family member, especially a child along the way that require more of your time...It is HARD...and well, you do just what you have done...listen to your gut or your heart...I don't think God gave mom's a "sixth" sense for nothing!

I am so thrilled that the reports on Don are encouraging...I'll keep him in my prayers, as well...as I always keep you all on my daily list of friends to pray for...it is my honor!

The new furniture looks fab-a-liscious...I may have to check out a Restoration Hardware...and see what I can buy BEFORE we move into our house...shoot, before we even finish the plans...Did I tell you I have already bought ALL the bathroom towels, washcloths and such...Yea...I found the "luxury Hotel towels" on sale...so I bought enough for four and 1/2 baths...that should be enough...RIGHT??? They are all mainly neutral...whites and creams...but for my bath I have added a beautiful light "steely" blue, a color called clay and of course creams...it may not sound so delish when describing them...but it is exactly what I wanted and it matches the lovely hand woven linen towels I purchased when we were in Italy...for that punch of WOW!

Blessings sweet friend...please take care of yourself...and I will continue to keep you all in my prayers!

Blessings...
Teresa

Sherrie said...

My sweet friend. I am so sorry that Alex is not feeling well. I can only imagine how your mama heart aches for him. So glad for the good report on Don. Sending hugs and prayers!!!!

nancygrayce said...

I'm so sorry Alex isn't getting a break from the pain......I'm praying and so many are. I know too about there just not being enough to go around. I am thankful too about Don's report. As someone told me, take a rest for yourself or you won't be any good to anyone.

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Oh gosh, I can relate (as can all mothers). Not enough of me to go around, and not enough time....which is what I was thinking last night at midnight when I was doing something in the kitchen while everybody else snoozed away. And, so sorry to hear about Alex's pain.

Kristen said...

I never know where God will lead me each day as I visit blogs... today He led me to yours. I will be praying for your family. I don't know your story... but our Father does and I know He will give me the words to pray.