Tuesday, August 7, 2007

YES, I HAVE LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT

When I woke up this morning and read my devotional, it asked me this question: "Is there any area of PERPLEXITY, CONFUSION, and CHAOS in your life? Then invite God to show you His wisdom in this situation." PERPLEXITY, CONFUSION, and CHAOS? Well, I would say so!!!
I made it to the office and had to face the 'ear annoying' Felicia. "Good Morning, Mrs O. You look so pretty this morning. I know you are looking forward to getting this little 'ole tooth problem fixed. You just sit down right there and I will get the doctor. He is so anxious to meet you and get started!" ..."Felicia, shut your mouth or talk like an adult. I do not look pretty. I have on the same clothes I wore to the funeral yesterday.. And FYI this is NOT a 'little 'ole tooth' problem....it is a major source of PERPLEXITY, CONFUSION, and CHAOS! And I think that is semi-Biblical! And another thing... never tell a frightened to the point of wetting ones self that the doctor is anxious to get started. I do not want the doctor who is going exploring in the tiny crevices of my mouth with huge machines that have drilling bits on them and scary noises, to be anxious. I prefer him to be a tad on the cautious side, if you don't mind. Slow and sure." Unfortunately, she had left the room and didn't get to hear all my advice.

"YES,MAM, He's sure ready for you!" I had to hold my own hands to keep from slapping her as I went by. OH! JOY! HERE'S THE BARELY OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL LOOKING DOCTOR! Bounding into the room, all happy like and OBVIOUSLY excited to begin his adventure for the day. First he shows me the x-ray I brought from my dentist. "Oh, I can surely see why she sent you to me. This is going to be a tough one!" STOP. RIGHT. THERE. What is wrong with these people? Have they never gone to the 'ALLEVIATING PATIENT FEARS' Conference? They surely would have learned that you never tell everything you know, because this could cause a PERPLEXED, CONFUSED, and CHAOTIC patient to have an episode of some kind that would not be a pretty way to start the day. It could even involve the holding of legs up in the air, or using said legs to run fleeing from the building...spit bib flowing in the wind. Then he proceeds to show me the new x-ray he just made and said again (in case I had not died dead away the first time)" this one is going to take quite a bit of work. Look...this root has 4...4!...branches and top of the branches have died so I am going to have to try to find them in there. Here let me give you a shot or two, and we'll get started." After the 3 shots, I asked him to give me 3 more just to be on the safe side. He laughed...a little maniacally, I think. Then he said, "I am not going to give you a shot in the roof of your mouth, because they really, really hurt. I just don't like to do that if I don't have to. But, you just let me know if you feel anything and I'll fix you right up." He. really. said. that. He then proceeds to try to stuff a raincoat down my throat, but it just will not stay. So he says, "Looks like I'm gonna need to give you one more shot...in the gum...on the other side of the tooth...right next to the roof of your mouth." "Hold up, I say. You just told me how painful that is...is it really necessary?" "I"m afraid so, but, don't worry, I'll just use the medium size needle instead of the large one."
"Oh, you are just too kind." They will need to replace those armrests on their chair before the next patient comes in. I RIPPED THEM OFF!!!

Such began my hour and a half in the torture chair. I really did not feel any pain while he was doing the actual procedure. And he did seem to be fairly efficient. But, he and his partner in crime...the young Felicia talked throughout the whole thing. But, not so I could hear them...low enough that I was straining to hear what they were saying. I could only catch a few words now and them: swimming pool, bigger drill, starting to school, another pick, football game, that big drill again... They missed the RUDE TO YOUR PATIENT CONFERENCE, too. The last thing he said, while he was still playing war in my mouth was," Let me hit that another few times just to make sure..." "Come on Doc, hit me a few times...I know a leg lift trick that just might surprise you.

When he felt like his team had won, he showed me the newest x-ray of what he had just done. I don't know what it was supposed to look like...BUT it looked like 4 tiny daggers were deep inside that tooth. What a sweet visual. "Here's a prescription for some Lortab...you may not need it. I don't think you'll be in pain...but you will be really sore...actually the whole side of your face will feel like a bad bruise." I pay, and try to to smile and be gracious and not put duct tape over Felicia's mouth, and escape to my car. "OH JESUS, I am indeed PERPLEXED, CONFUSED, and CHAOTIC. I thank You for leading that doctor to give me a prescription of Lortab. I thank you that I did not make a complete fool of myself. I thank you for not having to hold my legs up in the air and count. I thank you for keeping me from doing bodily harm to Felicia. And, now , please help me drive to the store to get the drugs and get home. Amen" And He did. And I have stayed there most of the day. I got up to eat a banana and fill you guys in, cause I know you wouldn't be able to sleep until you heard the 'rest of the story'.

LOOK! It is time for another Lortab! Good-nite!

9 comments:

Alex said...

Hilarious post. I'm taking good care of her though, so don't you ladies worry.

Lynne said...

So glad you survived! Keep popping those Lortabs.

Musicaljean said...

Alex said it - hilarious post!!! Bless you, Alex, for taking good care of her for us.

What a procedure! They really didn't attend any of those conferences, did they? Maybe you should write them a letter sometime and just point out the rude and insensitive things they said.

For some reason this post did not show up yet last night before I went to bed at 11:30. I guess that's because I'm an hour ahead of you.

Take care. I never heard of Lortabs, but keep popping them!

Dianne said...

You can tell a story like no on else Tonja! You are just hilarious! I'm glad it's all over with, although I agree with you...some of those things he said would have freaked me out too.

I'm proud of you! :-)

justabeachkat said...

Oh our girl survived! Yeah!

So glad Alex is there to help.

Loved the way you told about it too. Hilarious! I was eating a bowl of cereal while I read it though and now I have to go clean up a "tiny" bit of spewed milk from my keypad.

Hugs!
Kat

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Oh, I feel your pain.... literally. I had two root canals in the course of 6 months. I did have shots on the roof of my mouth both times. No annoying assistant, but I did have to watch Regis & Kelly on the TV mounted to the ceiling! And, these were not covered fully by dental insurance...another ouch! Hope you're on the mend soon.

RealEstateGirl said...

Tonja,

This is HILARIOUS! I am loving your description of the "episode". I've had a root canal in my front tooth, which was quite painful, I might add.

I'm not laughing AT you...just with you...okay, maybe not with you, maybe just at the situation!

You are too funny! I love the leg lift comment! Hope you are feeling better!

Given Grace said...

Tonja, I found your blog through Kat..after she awarded you with the "Nice Matters Award"...congrats!

And I just had to comment on your blog...it was truly hilarious...and unfortunatly a little to close to home. Last week I had to undergo oral surgery:(
My D kept assuring me that I would be VERY comfortable while I was in his office...so what does that mean for when I leave the office, after he handed me my prescription for Vicodion I felt I had a small answer to my question.

Actually it is usually at this paticular office where I repeat over and over...I can do ALL things thru Christ who gives me strength. Every now and then he would stop and say, did you say something? I look at him and think does he not see the 10 guaze pads, probe, drill and suction machine sticking out of my mouth???
No, no...Im just praying I would mumble. Oh you wont be staying much longer!!

Praise God its over!
Thanks again and please stop by sometime!
Stacey

Ang baylis said...

Oh my Goodness!!! I work in a dental office and I would LOVE for my whole office to read this so they won't have to take "The Conferences"!!! I am the dental hygienist who asks questions while I have my instruments in your mouth! I'm sorry you had to go through this, but it sure made the most hilarious blog posts ever!!! I loved how the staff ...talked quiet enough that you had to strain to hear them!! hahahahaha!

This should be printed in our dental magazine to teach us how NOT to treat our patients!!!
Thank you SO much for making me laugh tonight!!!

Say Yes to Drugs!
Love,
Angie xoxo