Thursday, March 8, 2007

WHY DO I DO IT?

"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. I obviously need help! I realize I don't have what it takes. I can WILL it, but I can't DO it. I decide to do good, but I really don't do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope."
Romans 7: 15-19, 24 The Message

No, these are not MY words, but they could be. They could have been taken right out of my mouth. Now, lest you think I have some awful secret, and do terrible, immoral things; fear not. This, my friends, is a dietary disgrace. I need to lose weight and it's just not happening like I want it to. I went through a weight loss program last year and lost 35 pounds. I felt so much better about myself. And I know I looked better. My husband told me enough times. But then I had to go on a prolonged round of steroids(3 months),and I gained it all back. I was starving all the time. And I ate. It seemed like I could never get filled up. So, in February, I went back on the same diet program...and all I've lost is 5 pounds. And I'm hardly eating anything. I have done my best to follow the program exactly, and I know it works...cause it did last year. I don't know if the steroids have changed my body chemistry, or what. But, I don't like it! I just stopped and got my son a hamburger and apple pie at Checkers...I got me one, too. I only ate the meat and lettuce and tomatoe....but then, I messed up big time....I ate the apple pie. I can't believe I did it. I sabotaged myself. This is ridiculous. It is just like these verses in Romans said...they must have been written with me in mind. Just kidding...But I do know this is just how I feel. Maybe this 1 apple pie won't make too much of a difference...or maybe it will. Just pray that I regain my willpower, and don't go any further off the wagon. I have a trip coming up in June to Hawaii with my 2 best friends. I want to look gooood. I just hope I don't have to do it in a bigger size. :)

2 comments:

Lynne said...

Tonja - I do the same thing. I'm doing good on my diet, then BAM! I blow it. But you know, one day - or one apple pie - isn't the end of the world. Just realize that you slipped, then get back on plan again. I did WW about 4 years ago and lost 50 pounds. Then I gradually gained most of it back. When I tried it again, following it to the letter, it didn't work. So I'm doing South Beach and it's working. I guess my body realized what I was doing when I was counting points and rebelled!

You - and I - can do it!!

BTW - I think I like your current blog design the best.

Tonja said...

Thanks for the encouragement,Lynne.
I just have to start again and recommit. Yes...we CAN do it.