Tuesday, November 24, 2009

MY OWN BRAND OF CRAZY

I know that you know that I tend to run into 'crazies' everywhere I go! It seems as if they just seek me out at times! Or maybe it just 'takes one to know one'!

I was able to get out for a little while today. My plan was to go and get the groceries for Thanksgiving, and then come back, put them away,and commence to preparing the Thanksgiving Feast for the family.

HOWEVER...my little green car just didn't feel like driving straight there...it demanded a little detour...to TJM*XX. And, of course, I went along for the ride!
I love to go in and see what great bargains I can find. I love to see what they have put out since I was there the last time. I love seeing what they have that I can not live without. It is amazing that this store brings in so much merchandise ...JUST FOR ME!!!! But, they do!!!

So, I found several garlands, a few Christmas gifts, a bed skirt for Pop's bed (we're working on the bedroom now,)some ornaments, some cute snowman PJ's for my sweet little friend, Addy, and few other little surprises. It was very pleasant to walk through the store and take my time, and relax, and then leisurely check out and walk to the car.

Do you ever forget where you parked your car...I can usually get the general vicinity, but not always the correct row. And, that's what happened today.
Hmmmm...I thought I parked one row further. Just not paying attention, I guess. I unlocked my car, opened the back door, and began putting my loot into the back seat. Why does it sound as if the locks are locking and unlocking and locking and unlocking? I hope it's not about to go on the blink! Almost finished. When to my shock and amazement, the front passenger door opens and a man gets in and sits down. Now, I do get a little bumfuddled now and then...but I'm pretty darn sure I did not bring a man with me today. I knew it wasn't Don because I am not a glutton for punishment...and I would have to have had a complete loss of all my senses to go into TJM with him to browse.

My brain went into overdrive and I began to think about all those self defense shows I had seen on TV. I remembered where to kick...I remember I was supposed to bring my arms up quick if I am attacked from behind, .....and gouge out his eyes...oh and never to leave the scene of the abduction. I thought all this in about 10 seconds because, this brain of mine...it can go into 'retrieve important information quickly' when necessary! Must have something to do with my nurses training. Why, yes, I did pose for that picture.

I then noticed a lady standing at the back of my car. She was looking at me very strangely. I was beginning to sense something was just a little askew here.

TONJA...Can I help you?
LADY....Mam, I think you are in my car.
TONJA...Well, I don't think so. I just unlocked it with my key.
LADY....I unlocked it with MY key as I walked out of the store.
TONJA...I guess that would explain the strange man sitting in my front seat, then.
LADY....That would be my husband.

*****Realizing that I have royally messed up...but still not fully comprehending just HOW I had managed to do it... *****


TONJA...I am so sorry, I really thought this was may car. I can't believe I did this. And, where is MY car?
LADY....That would be it right there. And she pointed to the car that was parked directly in front of the car into which I had unloaded all my packages.
TONJA...Let me see if it has a cross on the front.
LADY...It does...we saw it when we pulled in.

*****And sure enough, right there in the TJM parking lot were 2 little green Honda CRV', parked hood to hood. *****


TONJA...Well, we're not really into the Christmas rush yet, and here I am already losing it. I'll get my stuff out, and let you be on your way.
LADY: Well, let me see what you put in there, I may want to keep it! :)

So, I got my things out of the car...as quickly as I could! I put them back into the buggy, pushed them to the back of MY car and loaded them. The man in the front seat has never said a word. He never looked back. Evidently, he didn't really care who drove him home. I think he could probably tell that I was not a person to be messed with...what with all my defense training knowledge, and all.

I proceeded to the grocery store. Got all the groceries for the Thanksgiving Feast...except the most important part...the TURKEY!!! So, to W*l M*rt I will go tomorrow.

Headed home now...and Lo! and Behold! there they are...the crazies are at MY house!!!
Let me explain:

As I am driving home, I am listening to Sugarland's Christmas CD. FYI: B+. As, I pull into the driveway,I put up the garage door...and begin to drive in. SOMETHING WAS AMISS!!!

1. I heard sirens on my CD...they had never been there before...
2. I noticed I could see all the way into my front foyer....I should be seeing a wall.
3. Patty came running out of the house with the telephone in her hand. Sweat was literally dripping off of her.
4. She was talking on the phone to someone...let's listen in:

"No, we don't need a firetruck.
We just have lots of smoke.
No, I do not know the code.
No, I don't live here.
Yes, I know the Owens'.
I am supposed to be here.
I don't know the code. Let me go ask her son.
No, He doesn't know the code.
Alex, why is the garage door going up?
Hey, here she comes...let me ask her the code.
Tonja, I'll explain later...what's the code? "

(I tell her...she punches...sirens stop)

I do not think I want to go inside...but Patty and Alex look in such a state of despair, that I must try to calm and remedy the situation.

Seems as if a big glob of cheese dropped off the pizza onto the bottom of the oven, and started smoking really bad. When she opened the door to remove the pizza, the smoke came billowing out and set off the alarm. The alarm company called to see why.

They had all the doors opened, and I suggested that maybe we should turn on the exhaust fan. Where is the exhaust fan? It has always been on the stove hood. But in the Creek House, I have no stove hood. There is a microwave where the stove hood would be. I have never had the need to turn on the exhaust fan before...and we have lived here for almost a year. But, if I ever need it again...it's on the very bottom of the microwave. And, when I punch the spot that says 'exhaust', that I never knew was there before, the top of the microwave opens up and it exhausts its little heart out. Go figure!

Suzanne comes over, it's her birthday, and we talk a while.

She leaves.

Patty leaves.

This day has been quite 'exhausting'!!! :) get it?

6 comments:

Keetha Broyles said...

Oh my word, Tonja!!! And to think ALL THIS happened to you in just one day!!! Crazy things happen to me too, but somehow I manage to spread them out over time.

LOL - - - this is a GREAT Thanksgiving story.

Ang baylis said...

Happy Happy THANKSgiving, Tonja!
Much love to you and your family,
Angie xoxo

Musicaljean said...

Tonja!! I am just screaming laughing, and now Dick came in to ask what in the world I'm laughing at. Keetha's comment made me laugh even more.

Sometime I must tell you about the time I got right into a car, thinking it was Dick in the driver's seat (but it wasn't.)

Kat said...

Oh.My.Word girlfriend! What are the chances that someone would have your same car in approximately the same parking area and leave the store at the same time? Only something like this happens to you! LOL Too funny! Sounds like you found some good things though. And...you didn't have to keep the husband. Hehehe!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Hugs!
Kat

Just Breathe said...

That car story is really something.
How stange was that! What a day you had. Hope you have a wonderfully pleasant Thanksgiving.

Jennifer said...

Wow! I love reading your posts you paint the best word pictures!
Hope today was a little less crazy.
Smiles!