Friday, July 24, 2009

IN NEED OF SOME...SOMETHING...


I do not like to complain. But, here I go. I can not get better. I have this awful rattling in my chest that is so loud it is driving me crazy. I'm still coughing my throat raw. I have been on antibiotics all week and other meds, too. This is for the birds. I need to be up and about helping Pop. But, all I can do is lay in this bed...and cough...and rattle.

Adam just got home from B'ham and his eye looks awful. The doctor says that everything is healing well. He can lift his head up now, so that is good. But, he has halos around all lights that are blocking his vision in both eyes. In the good eye, there is a 'floater' that is so big he says it is like a windshield wiper. If it doesn't fall away on its own...they will have to drain the fluid out of his eye and replace it with water. There is also a cataract forming, that may go away...or may have to be removed. He is not seeing out of the worst eye, so he still can not drive.
All this is related to the retina surgery...except the halos. They still need to finish up the last surgery on the implants.
He has just about had all he can take. He is a strong young man, but this is his sight. And, he has to go back to B'ham next week and the next and Suzanne starts back to school next week. She has been an angel to my son. She has cared for him as well as I could ever have. I thank God for her.

And, between being sick, and Mom, and Adam, and guilt about not helping Joy and Pop...I am about at my limit, too. It seems sometimes like it just never stops. I'm ready for a break. And, now I feel guilty about complaining. But, you understand, and I know that or I would not be writing this.

I KNOW God has us all in His hand. I KNOW He is leading us through this trial. I trust Him completely do 'work in this situation for good.'

I think I just needed to say this. So thanks for listening. Please pray for this family. We are strong and we are together...but we are hurting...and struggling.
Please understand if I am away for a few days....I can't even hear myself think for all this rattling going on.

Thanks, friends. You're the best!

11 comments:

Lynne said...

Tonja - my heart aches for you. You have gone through so much in the past few weeks, and now you are sick. You are such a source of support to your friends and family. I would like to consider myself as one of your friends, as you took time from your problems to console me about the loss of Teddy. You just lost your mother - I couldn't even begin to compare my loss to yours, even though I loved Teddy so much. Yet you took the time to comment and make my heart feel better.

I only wish there were some way I could repay the kindness you have given.

Get well, my friend.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you still don't feel better. And I can only imagine how you feel with Adam going through so much. Once you are feeling better, there will still be so much that you can help your dad with so try not to feel guilty about not being able to help right now. Remember, God has you right where He wants you, and He is in control.

Love, Allison

Keetha Broyles said...

You have certainly had a lot on your plate lately. Tough times - - - so go ahead and complain to us, your bloggy friends.

Being the wife of a medical provider, I'm guessing from what you're saying about your illness that it is caused by a virus, which is why you still are sick even after taking antibiotics, which do NOTHING to get rid of a virus.

Viruses require old fashioned care - - - rest, fluids, and treat the symptoms with things like tylenol and cough medicine.

Make sure you rest.

We're all pulling for you out here in blogland.

Sherrie said...

Oh sweet Tonja, the one who never complains, you have the right to complain and vent....it has been a tough couple of weeks for you. Your sweet Adam and his wonderful wife and Pop has a lot of support too!! It is time to take care of Tonja. God will bind up your broken heart and heal your body. Please do not feel guilty...you are an awesome encourager and you do so much for others...now it is your turn to take care of yourself. I am sorry that I am out of town, I would bring you some chocolate :)

Praying for you my friend!!!!!

Sherrie said...

Oh sweet Tonja, the one who never complains, you have the right to complain and vent....it has been a tough couple of weeks for you. Your sweet Adam and his wonderful wife and Pop has a lot of support too!! It is time to take care of Tonja. God will bind up your broken heart and heal your body. Please do not feel guilty...you are an awesome encourager and you do so much for others...now it is your turn to take care of yourself. I am sorry that I am out of town, I would bring you some chocolate :)

Praying for you my friend!!!!!

LivingTheLife said...

Tonja~my sweet friend, who is always the most positive of people...always so supportive and always, always gives glory to God. It's just fine by me if you decide you need to vent a bit..or a lot...I think based on everything you and your family has been through, you have every right to do so. I agree with the girls that posted prior to me...give yourself time...rest, rest, rest...I know that is asking a lot of someone who is always there in a crisis or when needed...but you have had your hands more than full...your body is tired, you have had more to deal with in the past few weeks than most people experience in a lifetime...so please...it's ok...to rest, to vent, to rant, to rave...in fact I know God is very much in control...no matter how much we or you want for this time to speed up and for you to be up and going...God has his timing perfected...so we must rest in that knowledge...no matter how hard we find it to do. Be obedient to his commands...listen to your body and take care of yourself...there will be plenty to do once this has passed. I also, feel absolutely sure that your Pop and Joy both understand more than anyone.

Remember we are here for you...no matter what...and you can say or do anyting and we will understand. WE are all going to be here to help you get through this, no matter what it takes. Know you are in my continued prayers, along with your Pop, Joy, her family, Adam, Ian, Alex, Suzanne and Don.

Blessings...
Teresa

racheld said...

Oh, My Dear!!

I'd like to be in your kitchen, making you soup and helping you get better.

I NEVER impart medical advice, but from my own experience in the spring, with a hacking, whooping cough that just would not go away, and lasted through all of April and most of May---if you're on blood pressure medication, there's one that causes just these symptoms.

Chris insisted that we go to the ER two different nights, way in the dark of early morning---he could hear my rattling breath, even over his breathing machine.

I can't tell you as bad as it was, but I don't propose to diagnose yours. A cousin finally mentioned on the phone that she'd had the very thing, had antibiotics and breathing treatments, as I did, and never dreamed that it was a side-effect of her medicine.

I just hate to hear that you're having such a hard time, and we've prayed over and over for you and your family, lifting you all up. Your faith and your deep, spiritual sense of who you are has made you the loving and generous and giving person that you are, and I hope you know how many friends and strangers think of you kindly and with fond regard.

I'm SO thankful for that little mixup in blog names that caused us to meet---my life has been so wonderfully enriched because of it.

Feel better soon.

andi said...

I love what Rachel said, "I am so thankful for the little mix up in blog names," She went on to say her life was richer because of it. I am posting about this you can read it when you feel better. Rest sweet one.

nancygrayce said...

You just vent right on! You are overwhelmed with all the different stuff going on in your life! It's good to get it all out there. I'm so sorry your feeling all these things and wish so much I could do something to help you. My mama has what sounds just like what you have and she can't stop coughing either, which in turn makes her (and you) weak and tired. You just have to rest! Get better dear friend!

RosieJo said...

Oh, dear, I feel so bad for you. You're not only feeling sick, but feeling guilty, too that you are not able to be out doing for all your loved ones. God knows what he expects of us even if we don't. Maybe it's someone else's time to 'work' and your time to rest.

Musicaljean said...

I was away the past three days and am just catching up here. I will begin praying for you and your family immediately. Don't EVER feel guilty about letting us know how things really are. We love you and we care.