Wednesday, July 11, 2007


I am very sad today, my friends. I am having trouble understanding life and the way things happen and why people do what they do.

As I have told you, my middle son Alex has a very serious disease which causes him to be in severe pain almost constantly. He is under the care of several doctors and sees a pain management specialist for pain control. As such, he is taking some big time pain meds. This is a very tightly controlled substance. He gets his prescriptions a month at a time, and each pill has to be accounted for. Alex is very conscious of this and is very careful of his medication. He has enough to get him to his next doctors appointment exactly, and no more. Usually, the doctor will take him off of this every year or so to give his body a break, but to do so means he has to go through withdrawal, which is a very bad thing. But this is the safest way for him to continue to take this medication. And this is the only thing that works for him.

Over the last 3 or 4 months, he has mentioned that he has seemed to be short a few pills. We chalked it up to just a mistake in counting or negligence in putting it away. But, on Monday night, as he was counting out his meds for the week [he puts it in boxes for each day a week at the time], he discovered about 20 pills are missing. That means that he would be going almost a week with no meds. And, we have wracked our brains trying to figure out what has happened. There is no way, he could have taken too much. And we know he got the proper number from the druggist when it was filled the last time. Don and Adam counted it all out to be sure. We always do. But, still 20 of this pain med is gone. And we are confused. Several people have keys to our house, family, and 2 friends. But these all know how much Alex suffers and I can not imagine that anyone who knows Alex would willingly cause him to suffer. It is possible some one else may have gotten hold of a key, and came in, but how did they get by Scooter. He is a fox terrier, and is extremely protective. No one can imagine him letting a stranger in the house. We have had the same locks for 20 years or so, so maybe we have forgotten about a key or something. Anyway, for the doctor to give Alex meds to make up for the ones he's missing, we had to file a police report. Which is o.k., because this needs to be reported. They came and said that it probably is someone we know, who has gotten a few along and figures that since they haven't gotten caught, it is safe to take more. Also, I have realized that a bottle of pain meds I have for my arthritis was missing last month. I thought I must have just misplaced it, because I do that quite often, but now, I'm not so sure. We have not found anything else missing, and my jewelry has been here and other valuables also. I had to take the police report to the doctor and give it to them before they could legally give Alex any more meds. But, we've done that now and all under control. We have also bought a safe for Alex to keep his meds in...which means he has to go into the safe three times a day to get it.

So, here I am..... angry, and hurt, and disappointed. I just can not wrap my mind around this. Who would do this to Alex? I feel violated...someone has violated my home, my family, my trust. I just don't understand. We should not have to lock up things in our house in order to properly care for our son. This is just not right. What kind of person would do this? Alex is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person you could ever know...anyone who would willingly hurt him is vile. He suffers so much and he is only able to cope with the pain because of this medicine. He doesn't complain and doesn't bother fact he is always ready to help anyone any time he can. I do not even know if I want to know who did this, because I do not think I can take it. I so hope it is someone I do not know. Our locks are being changed, but even this is expense we shouldn't have to deal with.

So, I did not get to go with Don to Birmingham. I missed celebrating with Ian, and I missed going to the doctor with Don today. There was no way I could leave yesterday, and they both knew I had to be here. Ian had a nice birthday. Don took several of his friends out to eat and then his roommate had planned a surprise party for him when he got back home. Don's scans showed that everything looks the same as before. So, the doctor feels good about everything. He is going to do some comparing and call us with more definitive results.

Please pray for me. My heart is broken, and I am having a hard time putting this in its proper place. I trust that God sees and knows all that happens to me and my family. I trust Him to lead us in the right direction. I know, too, that nothing happens to one of His children without going through Him first. He sees and knows and He will help us as we deal with this, but right now, it sure is hard.


Sandy said...

I am sorry to hear that someone close to you has abused your trust. I hope that you get to the bottom of this. Also, I will pray for your son!

Musicaljean said...

Oh, Tonja, I don't even know what to say. Does this drug do anything else besides relieve pain? Is it something that someone could use to get a high? You hear the craziest stuff that people use these days. Would it have been easier than normal for someone to have accessed the pills while you were away on vacation? Just some thoughts that are going through my mind.

I wish I could just hold you in my arms and cry with you. I have known what it is to need to keep my checks and cash locked up because of foster kids that would steal, but this is on another level altogether.

Oh, Lord, I lift Tonja and Alex and their whole family up to you tonight. Please pour out Your grace upon them to be able to cope with this painful situation.

Dianne said...

Wow Tonja...Like Jean, I don't know what to say, but that's pretty bad. I hate that someone has done that and I hate that you feel so disillusioned, but I can say, I'm sure I'd feel the same way. I'm glad you're having your locks changed. That sounds like the only logical thing to do. I'll add my prayers for you and your family as well.

RealEstateGirl said...

Tonja, I am so sorry this happened to you, but stop trying to make sense of it. With addicts, their actions lack any kind of sense or morality. I know you're angry and I know how violated you feel, but try to pray for that person who obviously needs desperate help.

It's a horrible thing to steal from someone (Alex) who needs the medication for relief of true and genuine pain. It's disgusting, but that's the world we live in.

One time at an Open House I was having, a young couple came in, split up at the door (which I immediately thought was suspicious) and within a few minutes, were both out the door. They had stolen a bottle of the homeowner's pain medication. Turns out they were doing this all over town.

So, so sad. I pray that you and your family will be able to rest again and feel secure once you have the locks changed. By the way, just a thought/question, is there a visiting nurse that comes to help with Alex? That would be my first suspicion.

Praying for ya, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Just remember, they are not trying to do this to YOU or to your son...just a sad person who has their own problems. Pray for him/her and their addiction, as you pray for your son's pain. May God give you peace. I am sorry.

Anonymous said...

......forgot to sign my name above.

angela conklin
a friend thru your entries

Barb said...

I was thinking along the same lines as Angela. I don't know if it will make you feel better but it's very unlikely whoever did this intended to hurt your son, although it's obviously someone close enough to know that it WOULD hurt him.

Those kinds of pain meds are very easy to sell, one pill at a time, on the street. So I suspect it's someone who is either doing drugs or saw an opportunity to make a little extra cash.

It's very sad and I can totally understand how it hurts you. I'm really sorry about this and I hope the mystery is solved. Knowing who did it may help you understand it a little better.

Very smart to get the safe and change the locks.

Alex said...

Thank you all for the prayers and kind words. You are good friends to my mother, and it means alot to me.

The medications that were stolen were various doses of Oxycontin. It is a very strong medication that people do use to get a heroin like high if crushed and snorted. So it was likely stolen for use, or as one of you said, for profit.

My mom... what can I say about her. She is my strength, and helps me get through all these hardships. God truly blessed me with her as a mother. She gives me the courage and strength to go on, and I love her very much.

There is no nurse that comes to the house to see me. I go to the doctor once a month for a brief checkup and my medication refills. The only people that have access to the house are friends. I do not know who did this, but I understand that, if addicted, they are not themselves. That they think of nothing but their next fix. I do not feel anger so much as pity. It is a sad way to live ones life, and I pray for them.

That said, we are doing everything possible to make sure this doesn't happen again. I thank the Lord that my doctor was able to give me enough medication to reach my appointment. That has made this a hard lesson, but not nearly as hard as it could have been.

Thank you all again for your prayers and kind words.

RealEstateGirl said...

Alex, what a sweety-heart you are! I loved your comment and the sweet things you said about your mom. She is one special lady!

I'm so sorry this happened to y'all!

Musicaljean said...

Alex, what a trooper you are! We do love your mom so much, and we really care about you and all that you face on a daily basis. Blessings to you, dear son.

justabeachkat said...

I'm so sorry to hear/read about this. Very disturbing! Someone apparantly has "issues" and because of that doesn't think about what this might do to Alex and your family. Keep us posted.

I'm glad to hear your husband's test were good.


Anonymous said...

I have never posted before, but I read your blog often...I just had to post today and say how very sorry I am that you and your family are going through this. It is so sad and I felt so badly for you when you said you were heartbroken...I am praying.

Rhoda said...

Tonja, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through something like this. It's just awful. Please try to find some peace in all of this & know that God is in complete control.