I find myself at such an unusual place these days. So many thoughts...so many feelings...coming from every which way!
I suppose this is just a normal passage of life, but one I have never experienced. Losing a parent has changed my perspective on many things. It's not as if I have a whole list of things that have changed or will change...but I suppose I just notice them more.
I think I have finally begun to get over the shock that came suddenly at my Mom's death. I know I will never get over the sadness and the missing her. But, life does go on, doesn't it? If we let it. If we continue to embrace the days and look for the blessings they hold. If we look ahead and make plans for the future. If we look at the people and things that God puts in our path, and really try to see the purpose of such. He always has one, you know.
We enjoyed our family gathering last Saturday. We made lots of pics...but not with MY camera. So as soon as I get them, I'll share with you. We laughed and talked and made plans. Joy and I are going to take Pop to NC to visit our family there. And, we are all so excited over the coming birth of my niece's baby. How exciting it will be to have a baby in the family! Adam is well on the way to getting good vision, and they will be moving into a new (to them) home very soon. The trouble with Adam's eyes have slowed the process of their moving. He will have room for a studio there, and he is very excited about that. And, I have a trip with Tina and Shirley coming up in a few weeks. And, a baby shower for Tara.
Looking forward to events further down the calendar page has always been fun for me. I love making plans for trips and where we will stop, and what we will see and who, and what things to take, etc. It's the 'looking forward to' that is one of the best parts of any travel plans. The 'being there' is great too...the travelling (especially by car)...not so much.
I am just rambling on here about nothing of any interest to anyone, but myself. So, I will just mark this post down as a document to my thoughts and feelings on this first day of September, 2009. As a reminder to myself that I am healing, and I am learning. As an affirmation to any readers that God is good and brings about His healing in His time. It is not finished yet, the healing, that is, but it will be. And, that's all I need to know.
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10 comments:
So true sweet friend...and well written too!
Hugs!
Kat
Thank you for sharing, it helps to read other people on their journey through life.
I'm interested. Just ramble on, dear.
Melancholy. That's how you seem. Not a bad place to be. Usually a good, reflective time. Thanks for shring your heart. We are interested. We care.
Bon Voyage and Godspeed on ALL your Journeys---on the road, on the way to healing and refreshment and peace, and beside your dear Family, in all their pathways, as well.
You are realizing now, as I have for quite some time, that YOU are the cornerpost of quite a large clan, holding up the standards, making smooth the way, and they depend on your warmth and comfort and sweet spirit to light their way home.
Reflecting is a good thing! Yes, we recover--- some how--- from these shocks that seem to just fly into our lives. I guess it's our way of being able to cope and say...good-bye in our own way? I am not sure yet...and I lost my Dad 13 yrs. ago the same way you lost your Mom. I am still in some kind of shock...But, God is good...and I think it's HIS protection. If Dad walked through the door today...I wouldn't be surprised at all! Isn't that something? Like I know where he is, but some how I think he is still, here! God Bless you and just let HIM heal your soul and mind.
I love planning for the trip, and I have loved looking forward to the card ride. We took a trip to Disney World when I was about 6 or 7 and guess what I remember- the car ride. Great memories can be made when you are "stuck" in the car for all those hours. I hope ya'll enjoy every minute with your daddy!
It truly is a one day at a time process, my friend. You are and have gone through several of the stages surrounding the death of a very cherished loved one...and there are times when you may actually repeat some of those stages...but they are all very real & necessary. I know I've been shocked by the sudden death of my father and brother...and then my mother was sick for a very long time before she died. NONE of it is ever easy...but I do think it takes the body/mind a little longer to get over the initial shock of a sudden death...but the mourning process is the same. I think God protects you during these times...I know at times I just felt I was numb to everything...but then my spirit was awakened again...not that I don't still grieve or miss them...it just has softened over time. I'm thinking and praying for you daily.
Have fun on your trip with your dad...it will be a wonderful time for all of you...and I know I can count on you and Joy not only to take some great pics...but tell some even better stories about the adventure when you get back home.
BTW...you might want to keep your dad away from any TJMaxx while your on this road trip...
Love to you,
Teresa
You're sweet, Tonja. I am interested...and I care. Post all you want, about whatever you want...we'll all be here to check in on you!
A little behind on my blog reading 9and writing) but thinking of you! I can't imagine losing my mom, though of course it's going to happen. Back in high school drama class and in school plays, I was known for my ability to cry on cue. And what made me cry was thinking about losing my mom. (But I never told anyone that's what I thought about). She's been the ONLY person who has walked this whole life with me, by my side, forever there for me. I am sad that the majority of my life I've been far enough away from her physically that I couldn't just pop over to her house for a cup of coffee or pick her up and bring back to my house for the holidays. It's been YEARS since I've been there with her on her birthday, or Christmas or Thanksgiving. But I couldn't possibly love her more and I do as much as I can to help in other ways apart from the physical. I know it must be so very, very hard to have lost your mom (for now) but I have really enjoyed all the great memories you've shared with us. You were blessed to have had such a wonderful mom, and she equally blessed to have such a wonderful daughter.
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